September 27, 2002 — Mudeif Productions

*Painting of St. Helena’s discovery of the cross.*

Our sabbath came once again. Today is the feast of the raising of the cross (on the Eastern calendar), celebrating St. Helena's finding of the true cross on her pilgrimage to Jerusalem. Unfortunately, we were unable to attend services. We had to go to Jenin. Elizabeth needed some bloodwork done, and the lab at the little Anglican clinic here in Zababdeh isn't outfitted for it.

Jenin is under curfew today, especially since it's Friday, but there was at least one taxi willing to take us. We didn't wait for it to fill up with passengers, but rather paid for the full load ourselves, and went. The streets were eerily empty, but fortunately absent of an Israeli military presence enforcing the curfew. During prayer time, there's usually little activity anyway, but this seemed quieter than normal. While we waited for results, we walked around town, running into the patriarch of the family we stayed with last week in town. He was surprised and elated to see us. The bloodwork came back normal (the only thing normal about today), and we went home.

In the evening, the mosque began to sound, as did the church bells. Tomorrow marks two years since the beginning of this Intifada, so all of the young men in town were out to demonstrate their political affiliations. Their numbers were buoyed by the presence of the University students in town. Nothing much to see, just more sloganeering and a few gunshots fired emptily into the air.

There is a notable lack of energy about the Palestinian defiance these days. Marthame is reading a book set in the days of the first Intifada, where the Palestinian collective defiance was focused and had a sense that it would yield results. Now, rather than fierce determination, the tone is more one of anger and fractured hopelessness, a lashing out. The suicide bombings are the evil face of it, but for the most part, people simply want to live and are not being allowed to do so in a million different ways, both big and small.

The ability of Palestinians to adapt to increasingly difficult situations is both their greatest asset and liability - an asset in that they are able to survive, and a liability in the sense that their desire to survive overwhelms their desire to make a change. For many, it is better to survive today than to risk so much for tomorrow. Why engage in civil disobedience and peaceful demonstration if the price may be your life and still nothing will change? It's easy enough to point to Gandhi and Martin Luther King Jr. from a safe distance, when it isn't your own life or that of your kids which may be lost. In the 80's, many felt their sacrifices could make a difference, and people rose up, some peacefully and some violently, and many died. Unfortunately, many fewer people now feel their sacrifices can make a difference. A dedicated few still risk everything for justice and peace. And a few turn to revenge and murder, shrouded in the sacrifice of suicide, in the misled belief that these can make a difference. They do make a difference, but not the kind that brings deliverance or justice or peace.

How sad to watch, how sad to live, how sad to understand.